Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
