you guys were way drunker than both of me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
