Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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