I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I looked at my own cervix.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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