another moral hangover. fuck.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
