apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
