I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
