420 ftw
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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