he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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