every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
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I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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