and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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