Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
