Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
