We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
