it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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