Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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