First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
