good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
