And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
