this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
