I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
