i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
