Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
