he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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