how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
