You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
