Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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