I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
