"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
