I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
why is half of my head shaved?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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