He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
