I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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