Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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