you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize