I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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