At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
