I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
