Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
