ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
