I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
