Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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