Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
