I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
