ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the day after is always just damage control
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
