There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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