He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
