No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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