Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
