like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We need to get me chipped asap
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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