11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This is not my ceiling
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
