Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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