please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
