We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
