You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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