peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
