So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
