I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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