What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
