You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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