do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
