It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
