Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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