GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
