My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
