dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
