Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
