I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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