my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
