return my video game
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
