1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
