I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
