Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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