fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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