Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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