If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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