I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
