I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
