Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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