yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Drunk is a universal language darling
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
