This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
