I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I had to cum in my sink.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
