I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
