yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
